Life Changing: A Not so 'Ugly' Day
I sat on the couch and waited for Grey to get back. I know that he said that he would only be gone for a little while but with the weather changing slightly on the island I knew that he was taking his time to get some supplies ready for winter. It wasn't even quite fall yet, but Grey explained that even on the island that winters could get pretty rough and since this was going to be my first one, he didn't want to take any chances. I looked out the window and saw that the sun was beginning to set
he had been gone all day and I had to admit that it was pretty lonely. I didn't usually mind the days where Grey was out all day gathering supplies for the winter, but this day was hitting me particularly hard.
Tugging on my hair absentmindedly, I realized one of the major things that had been bothering me these past few days. Since deciding to 'live' with Grey - at least for now - I had noticed a lot changes since 'moving in with him.' Some of them were positive because I was eating mostly fresh fruits and hand cooked meat, after only a few months of living here I had lost most of what my mother used to refer to as 'baby fat.' My body was a lot trimmer than it used to be, and Grey actually had to help me find some new clothes because my jeans were entirely too lose to fit around my hips. It was nice to see that just with a little 'effort' I could have had the body that I always wanted just by making a few changes to my diet.
However these past few days, something had been bothering me and I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to do about it. It wasn't a major problem or anything like that. It was just one of those things that made you feel like you were having an 'ugly day.'
It all started a few days ago when I was sitting with Grey watching the fire from his shoulder when he reached up to touch my hair. I smiled, enjoying the touch but his face looked surprisingly serious.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Your hair," he noted, still smiling slightly, twirling a loose piece gently around his finger. His tongue stuck out in concentration as he tried to look at my hair more closely and I couldn't help but laugh. He was still so adorable when he tried to focus on anything. But the words that he spoke kind of caught me off guard.
"What's wrong with my hair?" I asked in a slightly worried tone and pulled away from his hand so I could inspect it myself. I pulled a few strands closer to my face and sniffed it. "It doesn't smell or anything like that does it?"
Grey chuckled, turning his attention back to the fire. "No no! It's nothing like that! I mean I guess that I shouldn't be surprised, you've been here for almost six months
it's only natural
"What's only natural?"
"Well your hair is beginning to lose that purple color," Grey tried to explain. "I mean it's not a bad thing!" He blurted out right away, assuming that I would somehow take offense to his observation. "It's just something that I noticed." He turned to look at me again before deciding that the angle was slightly difficult and held out his hand towards me. "Can I look at you for a moment?" he asked in a shy voice.
It was then that I started to feel really self-conscious. My hair was starting to lose the purple? But that was always one of the things that Grey really liked about me. My hair kind of matched his dark purple eyes and now it was starting to go away? I frowned, before nudging his hand away with my shoe. "Not right now, I'm comfy," I tried to play it off, but was relieved when Grey pulled his hand away.
He was always too understanding for his own good.
"What color is your natural hair?" he asked instead.
"Poo brown," I said, trying not to sound grumpy but the truth was I hated my natural hair color. It was plain and it was ordinary. With purple hair, I could stand out in a crowd. My hair was a conversation starter and I was proud of that. Somehow knowing that the purple was starting to fade, it made me feel really upset for some reason.
Grey meanwhile, hummed to himself. "I'm sure that your natural hair is fine," he said. "But I will admit that I do love that purple. It's pretty."
I blinked, sitting up. When Grey said that to me, something had changed. Suddenly I was looking at my hair every day and noticing that not only was the purple fading but the dark roots were coming in as well. Groaning loudly, I dangled my legs over the edge of Grey's couch. It was just one of those days where I just didn't feel great.
'An ugly day,' as I explained earlier.
After a few more minutes I finally began to hear something coming close to the cabin. I couldn't help but smile now that I knew that Grey was finally back but I was still not dealing with the change in my hair very well. Grabbing the elastic band that I kept around my wrist, I swept up the mess into a low and tight ponytail as Grey opened the door and set down a large bag next to him in the door way.
"Hey Eden," he said in what sounded like a satisfying voice. "I'm so sorry that I was gone for so long but I got caught up in collecting. He crouched down next to his bag and pulled out a few large handfuls of fruit and set them on what passed for a kitchen table. "I'll have to start drying these out so they are good to go for the winter."
"Sounds good," I said in a quiet voice.
"Yeah," Grey continued still sounding cheery. "I found some apples, pears
oh! I even found some more of those coffee bean plants you were talking about! I can give another shot at making coffee for you!" I heard him set some more items on the table.
"Sounds good," I repeated, not bothering to turn to look at him.
I saw Grey tilt his head to the side out of the corner of my eye. His attention felt like a thousand arrows piercing me from the side and I turned my head away from him slightly. Why did I have to feel so self-conscious around him lately? I reached out and smoothed my ponytail, and then tossed it behind my head thinking about the comment that Grey had made earlier. He thought my purple hair was pretty. Now that it was fading back to dark brown, would his opinion of me change?
"Is everything okay?" Grey said, lowering his voice slightly. "You sound a little down."
"It's nothing," I answered him quickly.
His eyebrow arched. "Really?" he asked with skepticism. "Nothing's wrong?"
"Are you mad that I was gone for so long?" he guessed and started to come around to the front of the couch to get a better look at me.
"Of course not," I huffed. "I told you that I understand."
what is it?" he asked, starting to sound a little worried which made me feel even worse.
"I told you that it's nothing. It's something stupid anyways
" I covered my mouth quickly, already realizing that I had said too much. "Damn it," I muttered.
"So it is something," Grey said and shoved the makeshift coffee table aside so he could crouch down in front of me, resting his hands on his thighs. "What is it?" he repeated, his voice growing much softer. "Did I do something?"
I felt my face redden as he looked at me. Was he looking at my hair? "No, of course you didn't do anything."
"Did I say something?" he asked.
"No," I lied. "Seriously Grey
it's nothing. Can we just not talk about it?"
do you miss your family?" he said, his voice growing even softer.
"No," I said honestly. "That's not it at all. I don't want to talk about it. It's stupid."
"Coffee bean," Grey said and started to reach for me. "Tell me what's bothering you so I can at least try to fix it. I don't like seeing you like this."
Coffee bean - Grey's newest nickname for me since discovering my absolute obsession for coffee. He thought it was hilarious not only because of how much sun I was getting that my already tan skin was getting darker but Grey also said I was 'tiny, hyper and adorable' like a little coffee bean. It was a hilarious nick name that no one would have gotten away with calling me
When I felt his finger dip under my chin and pull my face to meet his, I couldn't help but feel stupid about the whole thing. It was just hair after all. But it was my hair. It was who I was and who I wanted to be. Now that my hair was starting to fade I didn't feel as special and I felt even worse because Grey had pointed it out.
"Talk to me," Grey asked, his voice almost pleading and started to gently caress my arm with his knuckle. "You've been acting weird for several days now and I at least want you to talk to me about it. Is something wrong?"
I jerked my head away. "It's stupid."
He shrugged. "Well I like hearing about stupid things so you have to tell me now." Pulling his hand away, he turned around and sat on the floor, leaning his back against the couch. "Now," he said, keeping his face towards the fireplace which was still glowing a bit from the fire he built this afternoon. "Talk to me."
I slumped forward a bit. "It's my hair," I muttered.
"Your hair?" Grey asked, sound a bit surprised. "What's wrong with your hair?"
"Isn't it obvious?" I grumbled and finally collapsed lengthwise over his broad shoulder. "The purple is fading, my roots are growing in. It looks like crap," I sighed against him, enjoying the contact of laying on him like this. "I look like crap," I muttered, burying my face against him.
"You don't look like crap," Grey said. "You're always beautiful to me."
"Yeah right," I muttered, still keeping my face hidden.
I felt Grey begin to move and suddenly felt his finger tracing up and down my back. "Sounds like someone is having an ugly day," he whispered, keeping his touch light.
I jerked up my head. "How do you know what an ugly day is?"
Grey chuckled slightly, sending vibrations through my stomach. "I did live with Eva for a little while. I know what an ugly day is. Now the question is
what caused you to have a case of the uglies?"
" I trailed off and his finger stopped tracing up my spine.
what?" he asked, barely whispering he was so quiet.
"You said something about my hair and-"
"Wait! It was me??" Grey jerked up with surprise and I tumbled down his chest and into his lap. "Oh geez!" he blurted out, sounding horribly surprised. When I saw his hands reach towards me, I grabbed onto his shirt.
"No!" I blurted out, pulling the fabric around me to cover my face. I felt his hand stop.
"No, what?" Grey asked, growing a bit concerned. "I didn't hurt you or anything did I?"
"No, no! Nothing like that!" I said quickly. "I just
" I rested my cheek against his stomach. "I've never sat like this with you before
I kind of like it."
"Y-you do?" Grey asked, and I felt him suck in his breath as though trying to keep as still as possible. "I would have thought that you would have hated sitting with me like this."
I shook my head. "No
it's surprisingly awesome actually."
"Heh. Well that's good," Grey said, bringing his hand towards me again. "But Eden
you're not changing the subject. As great as it is to have you sitting with me, and it is freaking awesome by the way
I want to know what I said that got you upset. You know that whatever it was, that I didn't mean it!"
"When you said that you liked my hair-" I began slowly.
"Your hair?" Grey interrupted.
"Let me finish!" I said, grabbing more of his shirt.
"Okay, okay," Grey said and brought his hand close to me again. I felt him press me up against his stomach gently as though giving a hug and my face grew hot but I continued.
"When you pointed out that my hair was fading
it made me worried that you wouldn't see me as pretty anymore," I said honestly. "But it's stupid. I know that you're not like that, but it still kind of hurt. I love my hair and I loved the color and now it's fading. I'll look like just any other girl on the street. I won't
I won't be special anymore." I let the words come quickly, pouring out and Grey remained silent throughout the whole confession. When I finally finished, I looked away from him, leaning my shoulder against his stomach rather than my face so I could sit sideways in his lap. I felt stupid about the whole thing but a "case of the uglies" as Grey explained was something really annoying and he was probably right if I didn't talk to him about it, than I probably would have never felt better.
"Not pretty?" Grey asked, sounding incredulous. "Eden, come on now. That's just silly." He lowered his hand under my chin, tilting it up towards his face again. "Eden, I think that you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen
inside and out. Your hair has nothing to do with it. Yes, it's part of you
but it's still just hair."
He chuckled. "Yes really," he said and brought his thumb up to gently caress my cheek. I had never been this close to him before and I have to say
it was amazing. Looking up at him, with his expression so soft and sincere, I had to believe him. Grey was never the type of person that would lie. He couldn't. It wasn't in his nature. I felt his thumb tremble slightly as he tried to keep it steady as he carefully touched my cheek and without thinking, I reached out and grabbed it. "Eden
what are you-"
"I love you Grey," I muttered. "I'm sorry that I'm being retarded."
"You're not being retarded. You just had a bad case of the 'uglies' which I believe that I was the cause of."
I shook my head angrily. "No
it wasn't you. I just took something that you said and blew it up in my own head. It was stupid." I gave his thumb a squeeze. "And I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too," Grey said, pulling his hand away and wrapping it around me.
"You're sorry?" I blurted out. "Grey, you don't have to be sorry-"
"I said something that made you feel like you weren't the most beautiful person in my eyes. And for that, I am sorry." I felt him pull me closer to him, starting to gently caress my hair with his thumb. "What is that?" he asked, looking down. "Did you put your hair up or something?"
I looked sheepish. "Uh
"Take that out, I like your hair," he muttered and lifted his hand away so that I could do so. "But!" he said, gently tracing his finger down the side of my face.
"I may like your hair," he said in a soft voice. "But I love you."
I smiled. "I love you too."